The grandkiddos were at training. Right next to where they train there’s a walking, biking and running track, and that’s where you’ll find me — I’m not the parent who sits and scrolls on their phone killing time. They’re there for a reason, and I use that time to get something done for me. 

While I’m out there, I often notice the other parents on their phones, doomscrolling, and those sitting in the car with something on, deliberately using their downtime. My general observation here is about the difference between deliberately using your time versus filling in time. I often hear “I don’t have time to go for a walk, run or bike ride,” and here is an opening that sometimes can be missed. 

Anyway. I’m out walking, earbuds in, music going, when I pick up a conversation happening behind me. And I want to be clear — this wasn’t eavesdropping. It was loud enough to cut straight through my earbuds and my music without me even trying. 

Three mums, clearly a gym group that used to train together and hadn’t been in a while. Their trainer had rung to check in, and they were talking through whether to go back. 

The money came up first. “I just can’t see the value in it.” Meanwhile — and I know this can’t actually be about the money — these are the same women dropping serious money on their kids’ sport.  

Then next was the schedule — it had changed. It used to be daily, now it’s three days a week, and none of those days work. So, one of the women is only going once — and even that one session feels like too much to pay for. And based on the money they were talking about, at one session it is still less than what is being dropped on the kids. 

Then came, “I know what to do now, I can just do it myself.” One of the others asked how long it had actually been since she’d trained. Four months. Four months of knowing what to do, and nothing done with it. 

Here’s the thing though – I think they genuinely believed that whatever reason they gave is the real one. That’s the trap. None of them had asked the really important follow-up question. But why? And then, but why again. Ask it enough times and you get past the money, past the schedule, down to what’s actually going on. Most of us never bother asking it more than once. 

If they’d kept delving deeper and the real issue had been the trainer — didn’t like the approach, wasn’t getting results, whatever it might be — that’s an entirely different, completely legitimate conversation. Though I’ll be honest, I suspect it isn’t the trainer, since they spoke about her in glowing terms.  

And here’s what struck me most. It’s easy to have that conversation with your friends, out on a walk. It’s a whole different thing to have that same honest conversation with the person actually providing the service. Real confidence isn’t complaining to your friends about the cost. It’s telling the trainer the truth — even if the truth is just, I just don’t have the time, because I’m not the number one priority right now, and I know I  need to fix that but right now X (eg kids, work, a parent, whatever it is for you) is my priority.  

There’s a bigger lesson in it too. What you don’t do now doesn’t just disappear — it shows up later in your life. And when you’re deep in the stage of raising younger kids, I don’t think you’re always aware of what you’re deferring. You’re just surviving the day. It’s often only from a different stage of life that you can look back and see what those small, repeated choices actually added up to