Before COVID, I had a physical gym and in fact way back when I had 3. I was in and out, chatting to people after work, socialising with whoever was around in the local area. The downside was early mornings (really early mornings), the driving — in and out, day after day. Wear and tear on the car, and on me. 

Then COVID hit, and we went online. Actually, we had been trialling online for 6 months prior to this. The time I got back was enormous. At that point I didn’t have grandkids living with me yet — I could still go and socialise whenever I wanted, on top of everything I’d saved by not driving. It felt like a win all round. 

Years on, it’s a different picture. The kids are living with us now. Mum is older and needs more from me than she used to. Paul needs me more now. And somewhere in all of that, I’ve become almost wholly reliant on phone calls and Zoom to stay connected with people. I’m very aware that’s not the same as being in the room with someone. It just isn’t. 

So I make the effort where I can. I organise social gatherings with clients as often as I possibly can, because I’m close enough to Brisbane to make it work. I know how much Taly relies on having me around right now — I know that matters for her, emotionally. But I also have to think about what I need, emotionally, at the same time. That’s not unreasonable. It’s fact. So I make decisions, as and when I need to, to protect my own time. 

I’ve started deliberately reconnecting — a quick coffee locally, not because I need caffeine, but because I need to physically be in a different space with another human being in front of me. 

Paul and I have also started thinking ahead about what our life might look like. We’ve found a place that already has built in connection — a women’s group that meets once a month on a Friday afternoon, and a men’s group the same day for Paul. Not something we’d have to invent from scratch. Already there, waiting. 

And it’s not only the big, deliberate connections that matter. What about the person who serves you your coffee every week? The person at Woolies who knows your order? Those small, but important exchanges add up to more than people give them credit for. 

But there’s a difference between having plenty of people around you and having the one or two you can actually call when everything falls apart. Who is that for you? Who’s the person you’re going to reach out to when life goes sideways and you need help, not just social connection? That’s worth sitting with, because it’s not automatically the same list as your Friday-coffee person. 

And here’s the other side of it — you don’t want your social life to swallow you whole, either. Same as you wouldn’t want your grandkids to take over every hour of your day until there’s nothing left that’s just yours. It’s a yin and yang. You have to know what you actually need. Are you someone who thrives on being around people constantly, or someone who only needs it in smaller doses? That’s not a flaw either way — it’s just you, and it’s worth being honest with yourself about which one you are and what you need.